I was constantly annoyed at myself for not loving something.
People have hobbies and interests – things they are passionate about. We all need to be passionate about something to enjoy ourselves (that’s what I hear anyway). Like at school, when you choose your classes – everyone tells you to pick the hardest classes to challenge yourself, but “make sure you pick a fun one”. Having a passion is like having a fun class at school. Something you enjoy and can still learn about, but not as hard work as everything else.
I don’t think I’ve had a hobby since the start of high school, when my life revolved around playing music. I would shut myself away in my bedroom that felt more like a cave with the amount of One Direction posters on the walls. It was like a very claustrophobic boy band space to sing in. With a guitar, saxophone, notebook and pen by my side, I’d strum the hours away creating my own music and lyrics. I used to have one of those little books that you write your dreams and aspirations in, and I found it not long ago.
From the year 2010, every single page told me I wanted to be a musician. Until the very last page. That one was empty.
I have one very beautiful and rarely used guitar sitting in its case, dusty and untouched, in our spare room.
Writing came next, even though it was no longer songs. I spent my last year of high school mostly at the local newspaper as a work experience student. Travelling for articles, attending press conferences, deciding which stories to be published – it was a dream come true. The rush of rummaging through the newspaper the next day finding BY ELLIE SIMPSON six or seven times was unbelievable. I would spend the school holidays at the newspaper asking to write articles, and I ended up writing 8 or 9 stories a day.
I write here for my blog, but not as much as I used to. I haven’t written an actual story or piece of creative writing since I left school last year.
Going to work doesn’t qualify as a hobby because in some way it’s a necessity – I have to go to work. It’s just lucky that I love what I do both in a retail store and behind a computer desk.
Until last week, I was really annoyed that I wasn’t passionate about anything anymore. It made me angry that there was nothing I was striving towards in my personal life, considering I was satisfied with my work life. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself, contemplating where on Earth I could get some inspiration from, I found it.
More than a decade ago, in 2004, I went to my very first dance lesson at Reflexions Dance Studio. I was a mere six years old, looking all cute with my long curly hair and gapped front teeth, doing a funk class because my best friend did it (obviously you have to do the same as what your friend does). Once a week, I would attend my funk class. Until I wanted to do tap dancing, so I did that too. To mix things up, I started up disco as well.
Ever since then, I’ve devoted my time to dancing. Until last year, the styles I did were hip-hop and break dancing. I added Modern Ballet into the works because what’s more different to break dancing than ballet? Dancing was never really anything too serious for me. I enjoyed doing it and always did what I thought was my best in performances.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve matured or because I’m gathering new techniques for a different style, but I realised that I have been passionate about dancing my whole life and I didn’t even know. Every Monday I get excited about going to ballet that night, and every Tuesday I want it to be Monday so I can go again. It’s the only style where I have actually danced to the music and not do the moves just because that’s what comes next.
My fellow ballerinas practice their individual routines and I sit up the back bending my toes all the wrong ways to try and get my pointe on point. My costume is in my wardrobe with my regular clothes because I try them on every day and practice my routine.
It annoys me more now that I’ve had a passion so strong for something this whole time, and I didn’t even know it. It’s more frustrating that not having one at all.
Since I have discovered my love and passion for something, it’s given me something to aspire towards. It’s a wonderful thing to have, and I suggest everyone be passionate about something.
Even if you are like I was (up until last week), and you have no clue what’s going on – try new things. Write something, read a new book, go for a walk, take up a dance class.
You never know until you try. Or in some cases, you never know until you do it for 11 years.